Infected: Heartache and Lifeless Eyes
by The Lovely Ghost a Broken Doll
Summary: It's an empty and cold world to live in and those who choose to survive it rather than live it built walls to keep out the nasty emotions. The little things meant nothing, hell the big things too, but this disease is beginning to seem like a blessing, until the end came too soon...


Hey everyone! This based off a real moment and my thoughts I had and turned them into a fanfiction. Please no flames.

7/20/13

I've begun to see, to realize that I just can't take this pain anymore every time you cry, I just can't. I try so hard not to notice it, I try to ignore it and block it out and continue to live in my oblivious world when right next to me, is you and your tears. I can't live without you but I can't seem to stop hurting you and even though I don't show it to you when I come over, my mirror in my room shows them clearly, the cuts that blemish my body are like fingerprints of my wrongs, my sins and I don't think I can handle this anymore. I won't leave you because I'm too blind and naïve to let you go but I can't keep hurting you.

I want to apologize for all I've done to you, every tiny thing I did that hurt you but you'll just say I never did any of it or worse, you'll _forgive _me and I don't deserve forgiveness.

I'm sorry I make you worry. I'm sorry I'm never clear. I'm sorry I get cold towards you. I'm sorry I never show my emotions well. I'm sorry I can't make you happy. I'm sorry I can't do anything right. I'm sorry I can't stop myself from hurting you. I'm sorry I'm going numb. I'm sorry my walls are going back up and I can't feel. I'm sorry I'm not the girl you think you love. I'm sorry I make you cry.

The words I say to myself when I'm sitting in my room along drag across my skin like a smooth, cold razor, carving into my flesh the awful things I've done to you and why I never fixed them. I'm held together with thread, I'm covered in skin and no one gets to come in. I am black and white, covered in red because my blood is seeping out of the cuts my words make as I say dreadful things to myself for hurting you.

I'm trapped under the debris that fell onto me and crushed me; you're going to be the end of me. I don't ever want to leave you but I don't want to hurt you ever again, you're making the spot above my heart hurt. You're killing the infection inside me; you're taking it away and replacing it with what feels like acid running through my veins. My organs are shutting down for good now; my body is getting weaker by the second. My legs aren't holding me up anymore and my eyelids are too heavy to keep open.

I don't feel it when I crash to the floor; the cool surface of the kitchen numbs the hard impact to my body and face. I can't hear the radio blaring or my father running over to me, speaking to me and shaking me. I don't see his lips moving and the worry in his eyes as he sees my eyes close. _'Shh'_ I tell him, _'I'm sleepy, let me sleep here just for a little while.' _He doesn't leave me there; he forces me to stay awake. _'No more talking, sleepy time.'_ I whisper and begin to drift off again, only he won't let me go.

He tells me I can't sleep on the cold floor so I drag myself to my bed on the floor and plop down there. I finally feel something, he's pulling the plush black and soft pink covers over my icy body, the black so dark compared to my snowy skin. He shuts off the light and says goodnight but I'm already in a deep slumber. Maybe I'll stop breathing in my sleep and pass away before morning and he won't know about it.

Father won't tell them, he won't tell anyone that isn't related and it won't be on the news since it was just a tiny thing to happen. I don't know what to do now so I'm going to go back to my dull and dusty doll case draped in black and put my pretty and ragged Victorian dress on and lope my wrists through the chains and shove the screws with the strings attached to them through my hands and sit there limply and lifelessly once more.

After all, who wants a damaged doll?

I am held together with thread, maybe I really am better off dead…

Review me please.


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